Not Another Post about Robin Williams

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I was just about to post last week when television, radio and the internet exploded with news of Robin Williams’ death. I’ve posted here about how and why we grieve when a celebrity dies. And I decided I didn’t want to write another blog post about celebrities.

But the topic I’d intended to share suddenly didn’t seem very important. I couldn’t stop thinking about Robin Williams. I’ve been a fan since “Mork and Mindy”. I have friends who worked and played with him, who are devastated. So I still could’ve written about him. I mean, why not? Everybody else has.

Like many of you reading this, I know people who have committed suicide. One was a high school classmate. One was a girl who lived next door when I was growing up. Another was the husband of a family friend. Each situation was very different. But my reaction when I’m told of the suicide of a friend is almost always the same: delusional.

Why delusional? Because – like the friends who gathered for Alex’s funeral in The Big Chill – I immediately assume I could’ve made a difference. “You think you can keep everyone jolly?” one of them demands. Not exactly, but I think most people, when told a friend committed suicide, will feel some level of survivor guilt.

It’s not the survivor guilt of someone who lost friends on 9/11 or from AIDS or on the battlefield: “Why did they die and I lived?”

It’s the survivor guilt of “Why couldn’t I stop them?”

I’m not going to offer some dime store version of therapy and suggest that if you’d been a better friend and kept in touch with them that that would’ve made the difference. I’m not arrogant enough to believe that I can understand what goes through a person’s mind as they contemplate suicide. But I’m pretty sure the reasons are more profound than “she didn’t return my phone call”.

What I will say instead is this: suicide leaves a long trail of broken hearts – not just family, but friends. It incites grief and guilt and overwhelming anger.

I’m a little early, but September is National Suicide Prevention Month. If you ask me, it should be every month.

There is help out there. There really, truly is help out there. And here’s where you can find some:

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline

Stop Soldier Suicide

National Suicide Prevention Month

September is National Suicide Prevention Month, and if it seems like suicide is in the news more lately, there’s a reason for it. The numbers (not just awareness) are up and three groups of people seem most at risk: teenagers, military and Baby Boomers.

We’ve known that teenagers are at risk for suicide for a long time. Raging hormones, pressure from parents and school, drugs and alcohol make a deadly combination. But a large number of suicides of teenagers – and even pre-teens – can be traced to bullying.

Kids whose only crime is being different or being sensitive or smart or small for their age are hounded by bullies: on the school bus, on the internet, even getting text messages like ‘why aren’t you dead yet?’ Some of the bullies are anonymous; some are kids they know. What they’re doing is reprehensible, but not a crime.

A shocking report found that more active duty military committed suicide than died in action in 2012. In addition, many veterans of Iraq, Afghanistan and Vietnam are victims of the VA’s backlog of cases, unable to get the mental health treatment they’ve earned and deserve. Suicides have been steadily rising for years, and not just in the US. Military officials in the UK and Israel have reported similar findings.

But, Baby Boomers? Not the group you might imagine turning to suicide. But information is starting to come out that this is a fast-rising risk group. Some are veterans. Some are people who have decided that they are unable to face an uncertain old age: depleted savings, poor health, lack of resources.

I’ve been depressed and even in despair. But I’ve never considered suicide as an option. It’s hard to believe that people can see taking their own life as their best option, but many do. Not all are successful, but those are the ones we hear about.

There are groups devoted to helping people climb out of their despair and keep living. I’ve listed a couple here.

The important thing is to reach out to any friend you may believe is at risk. Talk to them, but more importantly, listen. Do what you can and help them find the support they need.

That’s what friends are for.

 

 

Stop Soldier Suicide

National Suicide Hotlines