Book #4 in the Friend Grief series:

“They were killing my friends.”

That was how Medal of Honor winner Audie Murphy justified his heroic actions in World War II. As long as there have been wars, men and women in the military have watched their friends die. Experts warn that delaying our grief will complicate our lives. But what about those who have no choice but to delay it until the battle is over?

In Friend Grief and The Military: Band of Friends you’ll meet military and non-combatants who struggle with the grief and guilt of losing their friends. You’ll learn, too, in the amazing ways they help each other, that “leave no one behind” is a life-long commitment.

Honorable Mention: 
Chicago Writers Association 2014 Book of the Year Awards


What amazed me is the insight and clarity…down-to-earth, well-documented, and, most importantly, easy to grasp, masterfully presented in a manner that makes the subject matter explanation almost intuitive to the reader. - Major General James H. Mukoyama, Jr., U.S. Army-Retired, President & CEO, Military Outreach USA

Friend Grief and the Military: Band of Friends is a short and simple book about a complicated problem faced by all who are in and are touched in some way by the military in a time of war. Grief is complicated, dealing with it even more so.

On page 51 there is a small chart of what is involved; causes, reasons, explanations, whichever term you feel applies for you. Focus on the lists, only words, perhaps, but, absorb not the words but the complexity. PTSD, Moral Injury a combination of both. You can begin to understand how a “one size fits all” imply cannot work. 

Noe expands the understanding by painting with the broad brush of inclusion. Yes, the combat soldier is clearly the main focus of most but she helps us to understand that this touches all. Reporter, medic, doctor, they also experience trauma and guilt.

Many still believe PTSD and such are bogus, not so, and the far reaching effects of war on those involved in many ways is touched on in Noe’s book, worth a look, worth the read. - Military Writers Society of America

Available now:


Indiebound (also in paperback at Women & Children First)

Amazon (including Kindle Match Book)

Barnes & Noble

Book #3 in the Friend Grief series:

"Families only."

Those who were killed on September 11, 2001 left behind more than family members. They left thousands of friends who are often forgotten and ignored: co-workers, first responders, neighbors and survivors who struggle to find a way to grieve the friends killed when the World Trade Center towers fell. In Friend Grief and 9/11: The Forgotten Mourners you’ll learn how they adjust to life without their friends and find ways to honor those they lost on a clear, blue Tuesday.


Friend Grief and 9/11 is a compelling testimony to the survivors and to the families and especially friends, who lost loved ones in this horrific event. Although it was painful to read at times because it evoked sad memories about that tragedy, it is so important that the author documented the raw emotions of the survivors and acknowledged the heartache of friends. Friend Grief and 9/11: The Forgotten Mourners was thoroughly research and powerfully rendered. Bravo!  - Pat McKinzie, Amazon
Available now:
Indiebound (also in paperback at Women and Children First)
Amazon (including Kindle Match Book)

Book #2 in the Friend Grief series:

It’s been likened to a plague, but AIDS was never just a health crisis.

The second of a series on grieving the death of a friend, Friend Grief and AIDS: Thirty Years of Burying Our Friends, revisits a time when people with AIDS were also targets of bigotry and discrimination. In stories about Ryan White, ACT UP, the Names Project, red ribbons and more, you’ll learn why friends made all the difference: not just caregiving or memorializing, but changing the way society confronts the medical establishment and government to demand action.


Victoria Noe, former development director of Chicago House, is a straight ally who understands LGBT and AIDS issues from being in the trenches. She is now working on a series about grieving. The first is Friend and Grief and AIDS: Thirty Years of Burying Our Friends, and the second is Friend and Grief and Anger: When Your Friend Dies and No One Gives a Damn. The AIDS book has chapters on ACT UP, the NAMES Quilt, guilt, glamour, World AIDS day and much more. If you care about others, you have felt such grief and pain. These books can help us remember, and help us cope.  - Windy City Times

Any of us who’ve witnessed the AIDS epidemic up close have lost friends to the disease, and some of us have wondered what to do with our grief. Writer Victoria Noe makes a valuable suggestion in her new book, Friend Grief and AIDS: Channel it into efforts to fight the disease and help those affected by it. “Give money, volunteer your time, educate yourself, spread the word to others,” writes Noe, a Chicagoan who has extensive experience fund-raising for AIDS service organizations. She reminds us that AIDS is still a big deal, and education, prevention, treatment, and related services still need support. That’s the best tribute to our friends, she says: “When the story of the AIDS epidemic is written (in the past tense) the underlying theme will be of friendship.… You don’t have to lay down your life for your friend—just give of yourself.” - HIV+ Magazine
Reader Favorites: 5 stars

Available now:
Kobo (50% off when you use the coupon "NOEDEAL")
IndieBound (also in paperback at Women and Children First and Bureau of General Services - Queer Division

Amazon (including Kindle Match Book)

Barnes & Noble

Book #1 in the Friend Grief series:


"It's not like they're family."

Sound familiar? If you're grieving the death of a friend, you've probably heard that from people who just don't get it. and if it made you angry, well, you're not alone.

In the first of a series on grieving the death of a friend, Friend Grief and Anger: When Your Friend Dies and No One Gives A Damn you'll meet people who also struggled with anger after their friend died. And they'll help you answer the question:

"Okay, I'm angry: now what?"


Victoria Noe delicately and expertly brings the combined issue of anger and grief to the forefront in an honest and forthright manner. Her analysis is spot on as she digs into the deeper roots of the reason for one's anger at the loss of a friend. Using the experiences of others adds an element of reality and enlightenment that further assists in rooting out the whole truth and offering an encouraging way out. Forthright, enlightening and encouraging; Friend Grief and Anger: When Your Friend Dies and No One Gives a Damn is a practical and informative guide to assist in bringing closure to the grieving process over the loss of a friend. – Readers Favorites (5 stars)

What this book does well is allow the reader to understand that there is nothing wrong with experiencing grief in ways that are natural to the individual­—whether that grief is for someone close or a popular celebrity in the news, no one can dictate a socially acceptable response, or demand that one grieve in a way that is largely perceived as appropriate. Although it is not necessarily meant to be constructive, Friend Grief and Anger takes the reader for a walk in someone else’s shoes by exploring the concept that grief is real, regardless of its form, and that we are not alone in our feelings of anger, sadness, and disappointment when working to embrace the loss of a friend. – Windy City Reviews

But what comes across as a conversation in which I feel like I am talking with a trusted friend is really a extensively-researched effort to elevate the awareness of the experience and wide range of feelings that accompany the loss of a friend. She writes with honesty, clarity and authenticity. Book 1 explores her own experiences of anger over losing friends with lessons learned for all of us. In doing so, she validates that anger is a normal part of the grief process and legitimizes the depth of the loss experienced when a friend dies. – Memoir Writers Journey

Available now:


IndieBound (also in paperback at Women and Children First)

Amazon (including Kindle Match Book)

Barnes & Noble

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Episode 11 of *CHANGES* G+ HOA , has Victoria Noe of FriendGrief, is my guest on Wednesday, November 5, 10 - 11 AM Eastern Time USA, LIVE:
or catch our conversation any time on YouTube: