An Awkward Response to a Coworker's Death

I blogged about the famous “Chuckles Bites The Dust” episode on The Mary Tyler Moore Show in 2011. I looked at it in terms of a person’s reaction to a friend’s death, which can sometimes appear inappropriate (like laughing at a funeral).

But I decided to return to it as I work on the next book in my series, Friend Grief in the Workplace: More Than an Empty Cubicle.

Chuckles, after all, was a clown – or rather, playing a clown was his job. He was – to put it mildly – not taken seriously by his coworkers. So it was not surprising that on hearing of his death, they immediately began to joke about him.

Mary was horrified that they made fun of a man who’d just died. But when she got to the funeral, she found herself laughing uncontrollably. This time, it was her coworkers who were horrified.

In the pilot of LA Law, upon seeing the body of one of the firm’s partners who died unexpectedly, Arnie Becker announced, “I’ve got dibs on his office.”

Yes, they’re both TV shows, not real life. But they point out the awkward, uncomfortable situations we can find ourselves in when a coworker dies. We have a lot of questions:

            What’s the proper way to grieve in the office?

            Will I get (paid) time off to go to the funeral?

            Am I going to get stuck doing their work?

They’re not the questions that normally occupy our minds when a friend dies. But they’re the questions that complicate the experience of grieving a friend in the workplace.

Every situation is different, as you’ll see in the book. But in every one, people struggled to figure out how to grieve their friend while still being expected to do their job.

I have no easy answers, only suggestions. One of which is to watch the funeral scene I mentioned above. I know Chuckles would’ve loved it.

Friend Grief and Laughter

This post originally appeared last March, about one of my favorite TV series, The Mary Tyler Moore Show. Although something very tragic had happened, the resulting humor is something we can all identify with - for better or worse.

Laughing at funerals is generally frowned upon (Irish wakes notwithstanding).

People are expected to act a certain way: maybe not grief-stricken, but at least respectful of those who are and the person who has died.  You get a lot of dirty looks if you’re the only one laughing.

In recent years, there has been a movement to make wakes and funerals and memorial services more of a celebration of life.  Laughing – in the context of shared memories – has become appropriate. 

Considered by the Chicago Tribune to be the funniest TV comedy episode of all time “Chuckles Bites the Dust” on The Mary Tyler Moore Show concerned the death of Chuckles the Clown.  Dressed as Peter Peanut, he was trampled by a rogue elephant during a parade.  Mary’s coworkers immediately began to make jokes, and she was horrified by what she saw as nothing less than cruelty.

But at the funeral, she suddenly finds herself unable to stifle her laughter.  Now it’s everyone else who’s disgusted.  And in a complete reversal, as soon as the minister encourages her laughter – because Chuckles hated sadness - she breaks down in tears.

Have you ever been the one to laugh when no one else did?

Maybe your memories of your friend made you giggle.

Maybe something absurd – something your friend would have thought funny – happened during the wake or funeral.

Everyone grieves differently.

Sometimes they even laugh.

Don’t be afraid to laugh, even in the midst of your tears. You can probably hear your friend laughing right along with you.