"We Don't Grieve Well Alone"

Former NY Giant George Martin and
me at the Information Forum

Yesterday I spent the day at the Voices of September 11 Information Forum at the Marriott Hotel across from the 9/11 Memorial and Museum.

It's an intense day of panel discussions for families, first responders, community members and medical professionals on a wide variety of topics: the treatment of complicated grief, cancer treatment information, updates on the Zadroga fund reauthorization.

As people considered buying my book - and thanks to all of them - every one volunteered information: "I'm a survivor". "My husband lost a lot of friends." "My buddy only got down from 83 to 43 because he was helping people get out." Once again, the willingness of people to tell their stories touched me.

Time doesn't heal all wounds, but time does have a way of giving us permission to remember and honor those we lost.

As Dr. Katherine Shear of Columbia University said in her talk on complicated grief, "We don't grieve well alone."

Community: family, friends, coworkers, therapists, spiritual advisors - help us grieve. And the 9/11 community is a perfect example of a previously unrelated group of people thrown together under horrific circumstances. A community that not only helps each other, but which has expanded their reach to help those in other communities experiencing traumatic events.

I think that's important. Remembering and honoring the past if important, but sharing our experiences can help others in ways we'll never know.

One woman who bought my book said, "I've been thinking about writing my story." "You have to," I told her. "Because you're the only one who can."

It will certainly be therapeutic for her. But it could make the difference for someone else out there, too.

"We don't grieve well alone."

That's the truth.

Tomorrow and Friday, I'll share my observations of being in New York for the 9/11 observances. It's very different 13 years later. 

Preserving Stories of 9/11

Stories on the Ofrenda at St. Paul's Chapel

What really separates humans from animals is the ability to tell and record stories. From the beginning of time, men and women have told stories about their lives, their dreams and their beliefs. And they’ve found ways to pass them along: oral storytelling and drawings on the walls of caves; hieroglyphics and illuminated manuscripts; blogs, texts, tweets and books.

There are two organizations that are preserving stories about 9/11.

Story Corps

Since 2003, Story Corps has collected and archived more than 35,000 interviews from more than 70,000 participants. Each conversation is recorded on a free CD to share, and is preserved in the American Folklife Center at the Library of Congress. Story Corps is one of the largest oral history projects of its kind, and has a number of special initiatives focusing on specific ethnic groups and historic events. You can listen to interview excerpts from their 9/11 project on their website and on NPR.

Voices of September 11

Voices provides information, resources, support and commemorative events for the 9/11 community. They also provide an opportunity to honor the lives and stories of those who died that day. Their digital archive for each victim of the 9/11 attacks will be part of the new 9/11 Memorial and Museum.

Both of these organizations are doing very serious, professional work to preserve the stories of 9/11, so that the event itself and the people it touched are never forgotten. Both are nonprofit organizations deserving of your support.

A lot of media outlets and websites are asking people to share their stories about “where were you on 9/11?” Those are opportunities as well, although perhaps not as permanent or meaningful.

I’m the family genealogist. I’ve learned over the years that the way in which you preserve the stories isn’t what’s most important. What’s most important is making sure those stories survive for all to share and appreciate.

Coming up next:

9/8 – Tourism and Souvenirs, 9/11-style

9/9 – The Guys

9/10 – 110 Stories

9/11 – Guest post by Damon DiMarco, author of Tower Stories: An Oral History of 9/11

9/12 – Ground Zero, 10 Years Later

9/13 – The Buddhists and the Brits: how other cultures and faiths commemorate 9/11

9/14 – The New 9/11 Memorial