They have legal rights. Society views them as the
primary mourners. Most people will take their cues from the family, as far as
appropriate ways to mourn.
But what about you? What about the friends?
Social media – Facebook, Twitter, Google+, LinkedIn –
are part of our lives. Some people are more invested in it than others, for
social and/or business reasons. But it affects most of us in some way.
So it stands to reason that the subject of
expressing our grief online would be a topic of discussion and controversy: Should
a death be announced online? That debate has been brewing for a while and won’t
go away anytime soon.
The issue is a touchy one, especially for those
unsure about how to use social media in a respectful way.
Facebook and Twitter in particular are great for
spreading information quickly. I’ve learned about friends who were in
accidents, had surgery, and yes, who died. And while seeing the news on my
computer screen was jarring and upsetting, it would have been jarring and
upsetting had I found out by phone, mass email, or in person.
So I was delighted to read an article that actually
gives thoughtful guidelines about setting up a Facebook tribute page. That’s a
page devoted to a person who has died – often a friend – giving people a chance
to express their feelings in a safe group setting.
As Steve Jacobsen, Executive Director of Hospice of
Santa Barbara acknowledges:
“These online tributes
can be powerful tools for bereaved people to communicate with each other and to
act as a bridge with others.”
But how to do that in a way that respects your
friend, as well as their friends and family? Among the “do’s and don’ts”,
Jacobson’s organization offers these tips:
Post
a link to your loved one’s memorial page on your page. Sometimes it can take a
while before news reaches people’s ears, so posting the link to their memorial wall
will let you sensitively announce their death and encourage people to express
their grief. (A terrific solution to the shock of
seeing the announcement pop up in your news feed)
If
the deceased had a friend or relative you did not get along with, do not make
rude or aggressive comments towards that person on your loved one’s Facebook
wall. (Seems obvious, but in our grief, we can say things
we shouldn’t)
There is definitely a generational issue here, as
far as deeming this appropriate. But online grieving – including Facebook
memorial pages – is not going away anytime soon.
Where do you stand?
You can read the entire article, with more
thoughtful suggestions, in the Santa
Barbara Independent.
And here are a wide range of opinions on online
grieving from USA Today, Mourning
Becomes Electric.
1 comment:
I actually started a blog (MyCastleHeart.com) in the wake of my mother-in-law's death. She and I were so close, and I had just had her first grandchild months before. As a writer, I needed an outlet to express my intense and varied emotions, but a year later the blog has morphed into something else. Friends and family have written guest posts, and the whole vibe of the blog has shifted from grief to life, which is what she would've wanted. When posts arise that might relate to her larger circle of friends and family, I "tag" her in a Facebook post with a link, so that it shows up on her old Facebook page and thus in her friends' feeds. It's been an incredibly healing outlet for me, and I'm told, for others as well.
Post a Comment